Why do I keep getting roped into things I don't like?!?

[greenxyzcannonball]

I hate this time at school. It's the time of the revisitation of the Inquisition, popularly known as Nine-weeks exams. The only teachers who give such exams, of course, are the very ones you despise the most. Like my band class, for instance. He took a number of ridiculously complicated rhythms and mixed them up with a bunch of scales that have entirely too many flats and sharps. He gave this to us on Friday. The test is on Tuesday. We have to play in front of him. Great. Not only do I have to play a bunch of rhythms I can hardly play alone, but I have to play them in front of that asshole, which means every measure is going to suck major sweaty donkey balls because I have really really bad stage fright. No, it does not go away the more I perform; it gets worse. If I have to speak or play an instrument, forget it. I can't hardly refrain from passing out, much less actually sound even half decent. I hate having to play; I don't even enjoy it at all anymore. As far as I'm concerned, once I graduate, I probably won't play again. It ceased being fun last year; now, it's just my personal form of torture. I'd rather take calculus than band, and you know how much I despise math of any kind. I wanted to take chorus this year, but no, my parents were all, "you don't need to be graded on singing" blah blah blah. I'd much rather be graded on singing, because I might *gasp* actually enjoy that! I get graded on playing, singing can't be that difficult once you know how to read music. The only thing I'd need to work on was being able to sing the right note. At least I know how to fix it if it's just my voice. With my crappy ass clarinet (which was used when we got it six years ago, and it's plastic- it's not even wood- and it's a freaking Yamaha, so practically by definition it sucks) it could be almost anything that's screwing up the sound: the reed, the keys, the pads, my fingers, my embouchure, or it just plain isn't working. I told my parents I hated it. They're like "you're stuck now. deal with it." Thaaanks. I should have known better than to expect ANY sympathy whatsoever from them. I asked if I could take voice lessons from a college student (so it would be cheaper) and they said "you got out of band so you'd have more free time, you can't go filling it up with stuff like that." No, me getting out of band was because I didn't want to march anymore. I had the extra time so I could do stuff I wanted to do, not just band band band all the time. I wish I could just get someone to work with me instead of against me. If my voice really does absolutely suck, then tell me "your voice sucks, stop trying to be a singer" and I'll never sing again. If it doesn't suck but could use a lot of work, then work with me! I asked Scott to help me, but he won't. I think he doesn't want me to be able to sing. Right now, though, it's one of the things I want most. And I can't sing, because I have a clarinet shoved in my mouth that I don't want to be there.